I was never a physically active person. I never played any sport growing up, well of course excluding the game of tag all kids play. The only activity that brought me joy and some form of exercise were my dance lessons. Indian classical dancing through all my growing years and then a bit of ballroom dancing in my adult life.
During my years at Kasturba Medical college while I was doing my masters, I ended up at a gym thanks to my friend who didn’t want to continue her membership. I realized how much I enjoyed the challenges that were thrown at me. How much I loved learning new techniques, forms and the changes they brought into you. Theoretically, I knew most of it, but practically it was a revelation. From here on, on and off I would work out. Sometimes, at the local gym but most times following some kind of exercise regime at home. P90X, T20 etc etc. But, I would never stick with it. Get fit for the trek coming up, or that beach holiday and once it’s done, slowly slip back into the life of being a working mom.
6 years ago, when my battle with depression and anxiety began, exercising became a survival technique. It helped me heal and manage my condition better. It became an outlet too, so much so that I started over doing it. I was already not eating too well, and then add the hours of extreme workouts, leading me to lose a lot of weight. Fortunately, I found a balance in a while, and fitness became an integral part of my life. Pushed and convinced(he had been at it for more than 10 years) by a friend who is also a fitness coach, I decided to go through my certification. Being in the field of health and medicine for almost 12 years, this was fun. It was like studying all that I had done years ago. I held onto my then current full time job at a healthcare company but also took up a couple as my client. I absolutely loved it! Loved training them, loved watching them progress, sharing their joy in reaching new targets and goals.
An year into it, for various reasons and to keep my mental sanity, I decided to quit my job. By now, I had a lot of other people, friends and referrals who wanted to train with me. And so this new phase began. Even if I seemed successful in training others, I constantly struggled training myself. I battled with motivation, drive, self-doubt, access and well, my mental health.
From the beginning of this year, life has been an absolute rollercoaster throwing me into one turmoil after another. Dealing with injuries that put me off of work and training for weeks, dealing with personal losses and then facing the nightmare of our dog going missing. It seemed like I couldn’t catch a break.
I had come across Active escapes on Instagram and looked forward to going to one of their retreats. One February morning, during the period when Hela (our 1.5 year old hound) went missing, we were driving around the city when I saw the update for the next retreats announced. The closest destination for me was Bali. There was one in May and the other in October. I mentioned it out loud in the car with no actual intention of attending it. I was too heartbroken and couldn’t think of anything beyond searching for Hela. Abhinav knew this too and I think he pushed me to book it to get my mind off it. To make me look forward to something happy than just sobbing all day long. So, this was a sympathy trip. ?
I chose the October retreat so that I would have enough time to make the money to pay for it. You see, it wasn’t a small amount compared to Indian standards and I was self employed now, without the fat cheque I used to get earlier! And as I was going that far, I might as well stay longer and enjoy a holiday.
As the day came closer I was racked with anxiety. I was sure I would make a fool out of myself there and confessed the same to a few friends. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up with any workouts. I still am not very confident with swimming and knew would miss all the surfing activities. I was and still am very conscious of my body. Coming from a country where swimwear isn’t something everyone is used to, wearing one is a big deal. Add to it the popular idea of a body that media promotes. I believed I didn’t have a great body and will look ugly in my bikinis. I do wear them but felt pressurized to look fitter at a fitness retreat!I was fighting constant battles with my mind packing and planning. Finally, I put my doubts aside for the time being and focussed on being my usual enthusiastic self!!!
Day 1
I had gone completely cray cray with my luggage this time. Between active wear, swim wear and regular clothes, I already had quite a bit of luggage. My son was throwing an absolute fit when I was leaving home and didn’t even say goodbye properly (Teenage is already setting in!). I reached the airport a little too early and sat around watching the passengers around me. Kids busy with taking and posting the perfect picture for social media, completely forgetting they were on a family holiday.
Enough already?
I slept like a corpse throughout my flight and woke up with a kink in my neck. Each security check was a nightmare, thanks to the multiple devices in my hand baggage, which btw I didn’t even use! I almost forgot my camera at KLIA, but fortunately made it through with all my luggage at Bali 9 hours later.
The queue for immigration was massive, but the process the simplest! If you hold an Indian passport like I do, you know the nightmare of travelling internationally. Our passport has no value in most places and we have to go through a lengthy visa application process. This was a breeze! He asked me how long I was staying for and that’s it! Ushered me out.
I had read about the formidable taxi mafia in Bali. They won’t allow you to use an App based transport. I knew there was “Grab” (Equivalent of Uber) available in Bali. I had used the same in Malaysia last year on a holiday. After getting a sim at the airport (irritating and confusing wait for it) I booked a Grab taxi. After a lot of confusion, we found each other and I was off to Canggu, my first stop.
The traffic was absolutely insane! And coming from someone who lives in an Indian city, you know the shit is real! Small, narrow lanes with innumerable cars thanks to the huge influx of tourists. After a drive which seemed to last my lifetime we reached my little Airbnb in Canggu. A very basic, but beautiful and clean place. First task, ask for an iron box. Those of you who have known me and lived with me closely, know my obsession for ironing clothes. There shouldn’t be a single crease! So, I set about ironing the clothes I would need for the next two days. Also, booked a taxi to go to Tanah Lot temple the next morning.
I got lunch at Warung Dandelion, as recommended by a friend. A beautiful and serene place with little rabbits running around. The staff were super friendly too. I had a margarita and Jugut Nangka, a jackfruit curry with some salad. Yum yum yum. I used my incredible math skills and miscalculated how much that drink costed. Went ahead and texted Abhinav and some girlfriends how cheap it was. Later, I realized it wasn’t exactly that cheap. It was similar to eating and drinking at a mid to high range place back home. I stopped by a local market, everything was so overpriced that I wasn’t even interested to bargain. I realized I had forgotten my charging cable at home and my converter had stopped working! So, I was forced to buy both. Of course, bargain, bargain, bargain!!
Next stop at “The Lawn”. What a place! I felt I was in the movies. Gorgeous people and gorgeous vibe. But they didn’t feel that hot about me! After all, a single girl, how much can she drink and she clearly won’t stay for long. They gave me a table in an obscure corner. Fine by me. I was really going to have one drink and walk out. I walked towards Old man’s and the beach. Saw some surfers heading back. Decided to ditch going into Old man’s. What’s the point of sitting and having another drink for the sake of it? I had no interest. I sat and read for a bit once I was back home and went to bed at my favourite time! 7:30 p.m.!
The vibes!
Day 2
Was up at 5 and ready to leave by 6 for the Tanah Lot temple. Old habits die hard. It was too dark outside and my room was too small to pack a quick workout. My car was ready at 6:30 and we were off to Tanah lot. My driver’s name was Krishna who walked around with me showing what’s what. It was a beautiful view looking over at Pura Batu Bolong, the other temple in the same area. Black sand beaches and people surfing.
I walked towards Tanah Lot alone while my driver stayed back. This is ideally a sunset visit site. But I didn’t have the time to visit it at sunset and I definitely wanted to beat the crowd. Early morning, no ticket counters, no checks. There were a lot of school kids, but not enough to ruin my visit. Early morning, the tide is low and you can walk upto the temple and even visit the snake temple cave which is otherwise submerged through the day. The water was barely upto my ankles when I went in. The priest was very camera friendly (which I realized was a standard with every tourist spot here). I took his permission to walk up on the side and get a better view of the sea. The temple was off limits at this time.
It had been barely 5 minutes since I had crossed, he came to warn me and asked me to go back before the tide rose. As I went back, the water was already upto my knees! I will be honest, I was scared and imagined a big wave coming and washing me away. It was just 8 when we were getting back but it was already very hot. I was hungry as hell but wanted to eat at this local place which would open at 10. So, to distract myself I did a quick animal flow workout in the little lawn of the guest house.
As the clock struck 10, I was at the entrance of Warung bu mi. A traditional joint serving local food. The system was pretty similar to the places I had eaten in Kuala lumpur. There is a myriad of dishes. Various combinations of veggies, all types of meats and three types of rice. White, yellow and red. You choose the items you want and they pay accordingly. I chose the red rice with so many different vegetables, some I had never seen before in my life. I took the prawn, because well I was in a beach town and it was local produce. The veggies were so delicious that I barely ate the meat.
Went back, packed and was at Frii hotel at 12 where I was going to be picked up by Active Escapes. I was a bit confused initially as none of the Frii employees had an idea of what I was saying. Luckily within a few minutes, my ride was there. I met Helga in the car who is from Iceland. She works in an event planning/management company and was telling me the disastrous experience she recently had with an Indian group (Why doesn’t that surprise me?) A Mumbai based company had sent it’s top management and spouses on a holiday and they turned out to be one of the most difficult customers her company had come across. Tch tch my fellow countrymen.
After a while we picked Janelle and Anna who are from Australia. They were on a trip with couple more of their girlfriends. They seemed (and were) to be a super fun bunch of people. We spoke of India, overpopulation, water crisis and our choice to not have another kid. Topics which would be repeated multiple times during this trip.
We reached the De Sapphire resort, our stay for the 6 days of Active escapes and were welcomed by Amanda Bisk (our trainer) , Ali and Zanna Conlan (the organisers) and Manuel (the photographer). It was an absolutely gorgeous place. In our room were goodies from Active escape. Now after getting here, I was super excited again! The great view did help too!
We had our first session in the evening at 4. It was super intense. Before we started, Amanda talked to me about my injury and offered to give me variations if needed. I said that I would go with my pace and if something felt wrong, would let her know. This was followed through the week, for all the workouts. Post workout, people got together for a drink and to know each other. I thought we had enough time to get into the pool and donned my bikini. Man, was it fun to keep tightening my sarong through the evening and making sure it didn’t just slip off (not!)! We had a fun “speed meeting session”. The name says it all. The format of speed dating but we weren’t looking for potential mates. Well, I wasn’t looking for sure. The 1 minute seemed too short! There was always something interesting about the other person and before we even got to explore it, it was time to move. My introduction always began with, “Hi. I am Deepika. You can call me D.” Very early on, I had realized there was no way people were gonna get my name and found this the easier way. Sope, a Cambodian Canadian had a similar MO. He mumbled his name so fast that I couldn’t even hear it. He would pretend to soap his body, and say “You can call me Sope.”
The fun part was, that so many people were surprised that I was on a solo trip. I didn’t expect that. Travelling solo has become one of the most common things. I understood Indians being shocked by it, But not others. Even more surprising was people admiring “the dad of my child for taking care while I was travelling.” Ermmm. Whaaaaaa?! My turn to be shocked. Again, totally expected in an Indian/Asian setting where I would launch on a monologue of why was it special and why was I never commended for taking care of my son when his dad went travelling?! Clearly the patriarchal thought process is as widespread in the West as in the east.
I got to meet Lizzi and Sally, Jannelle and Anna’s other two friends. Lizzi was exactly how they had described. She was extremely sweet. Naturally a very nice and warm hearted person. Honestly, I never could be that nice! Something a lot of people said out loud in the trip. Just being around Lizzi made us want to be a better human! During dinner we spoke about the landscape of mother and child’s healthcare in India and Australia. Jannelle is a midwife and we found it interesting to see how India was slowly moving back and accepting midwives again for childbirth, while Australia was moving away from it.
Early night. As always, I was off to bed by 8:30.
Day 3
Really disturbed sleep, barely for 4-5 hours. This would be the standard for almost 90% of my holiday. No sleep. No rest. As soon as I woke up, I felt a shooting pain in my left foot (This later turned out to be a substantial injury and I am still recovering from it). I twisted and turned, massaged and cracked my toes hoping to release it, but no luck. I felt embarrassed to tell Amanda about another injury, fortunately I was learning to keep my ego and pride aside. I informed her that the pain was quiet bearable and I would play it by the ear during the session.
Once it began, I forgot about the pain and just had fun. We had a team and a partner workout. Felt so good to push myself that hard. Something I miss during my workouts. I always tell me clients that if I had someone to motivate me and even hold me accountable, I would get so much more from my workouts. Breakfast was a smoothie bowl. We all looked forward to it every morning! Absolutely lip smacking fruit smoothie, granola, nuts and some fresh fruits. Oh ya! Scrambled eggs too.
Post workout, I joined the Aussie girls and Sharyn to go to Uluwatu beach. We walked along multiple stores, window shopping. Honestly for me, they were exorbitantly priced. I wanted to buy a pair of flip flops, as mine had twisted in the luggage and now where digging into my foot. The price was enough for me to buy a return domestic ticket back in India. A lot of my friends who have been to Bali multiple times in the past had told me that things would be priced on the higher side in Uluwatu. This was where “the rich Indians” came to holiday. 😛 We walked down steep steps to reach the beautiful beach. Well, this is not your typical lie down on the beach kinda beach. A surfer’s paradise, a little cove opening up into the sea. We spent a little time admiring and taking pictures before heading back. We saw a few interesting looking bars around, which definitely piqued our interests.
A bunch of people had gone to another beach for a surfing lesson and when they got back, most of them were extremely sun burnt. It looked super painful! I have luckily not gotten burnt yet. Thanks to my brown skin and to the higher level of melanin in it, it takes a lot of exposure for me to burn it. We chilled by the pool most afternoon and then a few of us headed to the Radisson Blu where the next Mega Escape would be held. The place was gorgeous and the rooms breath-taking! It was fun hearing about all that had transpired in the last mega escape. Joe, our class clown knew every staff member there! It was adorable!
Soon, we headed back to our resort for another round of intense but fun workout session. Post that, Ali took our first Yoga class. It was definitely different to the intense classes I am used to back home, but it was what we needed here. Our bodies were put through a lot of physical exertion already. The calming and almost meditative yoga sessions were restorative. After another yummy dinner, we got massages done. Heaven! I sure could get used to this lifestyle.
Day 4
Today was the day of the Obstacle course! Post breakfast, we all headed down to the Four seasons where the stage was set. Rather sand was set. A 200 mtr run uphill followed by 2 laps of swim in the pool followed by a few bodyweight burners and obstacles. We had to do 2 rounds of the whole circuit. As soon as I heard, my heart sank. I am not supposed to run uphill at all. The last time I did a normal run, my knee was swollen and I was in bed and excruciating pain for 3 days. I have chondromalacia and till I completely heal, running was out of the question. I can’t swim very well. I have intense fear and that has stopped from learning it all these years. I still decided to give it a go.
I paced myself during the run, keeping it as slow as my ego would allow. 😀 The swim or rather walk in the pool was a nightmare. It took me a little while to descend and get comfortable. The water was just above my nose so I had to walk at the edge on my toes. I got frustrated after a while watching everyone swim and go so much faster than I was, and decided to just swim! I was going fine till someone’s limb smacked me in the face and I panicked. I tried to stand but now I was in the centre of the pool and couldn’t reach down. As I splashed around trying to breath, I felt someone reach for me and pull me out. It was Romane who had his wife Lisa (who can’t swim either) holding onto him. These two had come along with Natalie and Jonathan as Influencers to be part of the Reign campaign. Reign is a pre workout drink which was being launched and had partnered with Active escapes. After wasting a load of time walking through water, I finally made it to the obstacle course. By the time I finished, I could feel my knee giving way. I was wobbly and knew that I was damaging myself. I decided to drop out and sat on the side watching others go through the whole course. I was heartbroken and in tears. I hated sitting on the side and watching while everyone was giving it their all. I couldn’t take it after a while and decided to just do the obstacle bit excluding the run and swim. This meant I couldn’t be timed, but atleast I would have participated. Lizzie and Adam were the stars who not only finished fastest but also encouraged, motivated and helped others get through the finish line. What an incredible time!
After a short break of coconut water and conversation on the Indo-Pak political situation (with Philipe who works for the UN) we freshened up and changed before heading to a café for lunch.
During lunch I had a conversation on arranged marriages in India with Ali. Another topic which I get asked about every time I am travelling abroad. After a scrumptious meal, we moved to the Jimbaran beach where most went surfing. When I can’t keep myself alive in 5 feet 4 pool, going surfing was out of question. I can’t wait for the day when I get over this fear! I sat around with Bianca and Nicole. I had a great time talking to them. Nicole and I were discussing our injuries, fighting our ego and trying to let ourselves heal and so much more. The ones who were sitting by the beach decided to move to the hotel and wait for the surfers to join us. In my hurry to get done with the shower I faced major #fomo. I took a shower and sat around while, the rest chilled in the pool for ages.
Anyway, after what seemed like forever, we headed to another section of Four seasons for the dinner. Gorgeous view and insane amount of food! Really. Insane. I completely lost the plot and stuffed down almost everything available (except for the Indian spread and some meat. Still trying to eat as less meat as possible even when I travel) At the dinner table, Ali, Sharyn, Nicole and I were talking about food from all over the world. It’s incredible how they think of breakfast and sweet and for most Asians it’s savoury. Joe kept us entertained through and through. That guy is just hilarious! I was so stuffed, that I wished I could be airlifted to my room! On our way back, Nicole and I spoke about life, mental illness and about the place of women in the world. It is the best when you meet like minded people on holidays and you can have a meaningful conversation with them.
Day 5
Woke up feeling absolutely fried and sore! But once you get to it, your body adapts. Had a great resistance band warm up followed by a weight training session.
Todays’ fun activity was Wakeboarding. I was panicking again, but the life jacket gave me some confidence. As I was a first timer, I did the knee-boarding. It was super super fun!! Unfortunately, I fell before I finished my lap and then struggled to swim to the shore. The water was extremely salty, felt like jelly and my calves were on fire. Nicole was next and she had to let go lest her board hits me. She had to come for me and pull me to the shore. So embarrassing!! I couldn’t even swim with a life jacket! Let me just dig a grave and hide forever.
It was a warm and pleasant day and I stood around with Jen looking at some super stars killing it on the boards! Zanna put on a little show with all his acrobatics. After lunch back at the resort, we chilled by the pool before a recovery session in the evening. This was followed by a sprint session and then pyramid workout #galvanized.
Nicole and I left immediately after to the Uluwatu temple to attend the Kecak dance that happens every evening. Kecak dance is also known as fire dance. 150 men chant “Kecak” while reciting the story of Ramayana. Coming from a Hindu background and with Ramayana being a part of our culture, this was quite interesting for me. I kept telling Nicole the story as it progressed. I got confused at some parts and realized that the narrative was slightly different in our two countries. All in all, it was a great experience and a beautiful one at that.
Day 6
The first workout was the brutal 12 days of Christmas workout. The 5 days’ overall exhaustion was descending on me now and it was a struggle to finish it. Carol, a 64 year old lady from the US was an absolute inspiration. She kept at it till the end and finished the whole thing. I had goosebumps watching her.
Post breakfast everyone headed to the beach for surfing. I really wanted to see this beach, had heard it was beautiful. But, felt too tired and too rushed. Constantly running from one activity to another. I stayed in and sorted and packed my stuff. The best part? A nice long shower.
The lunch was at the Beach club. A fancy place right next door to our resort. Set on a cliff and with a pool, it was a dream of a location. Had a few drinks and ate a lot. Again! I also got talking to Ali about their work and the challenges they face running the business. We all tend to just focus on the glamorous parts, thinking how much fun it would be if work was travelling to such exotic locations. But, the planning and coordination for such an undertaking is usually a nightmare.
We also came to know about the story of the Influencers. They weren’t to be seen after the first couple of days and we came to know that they were out of the Reign campaign. This was so because the team realised that they were just Instagram fitness buffs and being healthy and fit wasn’t exactly their lifestyle. And they wanted someone genuine to promote their product.
We chilled a lot in the pool, with more drinks than I like to drink on a solo trip or any holiday in general. This trip was also teaching me a more positive body image. I have always struggled with how skinny I am and how my belly isn’t “flat enough”. I also got motivated to be more fitter and stronger and was already looking forward to going home and working on it. Being around such beautiful, positive and happy people genuinely helped me get over my overtly criticle body image.
After a short break, we changed and were off to the Blue terrace, a restaurant which was part of the Single fin club. Supposedly one of the most happening places in Uluwatu. I was sleepy and disinterested. Had a drink to keep myself up. The food was to just die for and there were tequila shots on the house. As it is the case with shots and I, I sipped a bit and put it aside. Later in the night Philipe and I got into a long conversation about Indo-Pak situation again. After a while I joined him, Sope, Jen and Jody to go down to the lower level and then to the Single Fin club. The music was fun initially and then not so much. There was some crazy dancing happening and some really funny ones. Pretend basketball dance, limbo. For a short burst Spanish music started playing. Philipe and I then broke into salsa while most people watched, surprised. I loved it! Felt so good to dance like that after so long! There were some very creepy people who kept coming in our circle. There was a woman who would just walk in, stare and then twerk. I didn’t know whether to laugh or be disgusted. I was losing interest, the music wasn’t great and so I decided to head back to the room. Claire, Lyndsay and Alison joined me. We stopped on the way to pick a hot dog for Lyndsay. I was so bloody glad to hit the bed!
Day 7
The breakfast was late today to help people recover from last night’s festivities. Heard all the other fun stories from the night before. The workout today was “Fight gone bad”. It was too hot and I blacked out. The heat was just too much for me. Funny for an Indian to say. But to be honest, we don’t come across such heat at home. I am in a land locked city and don’t deal with humidity at all.
We chilled rest of the day in the pool and I caught up with some gossip from last night. Felt like I was back in high school. The stories!
We had a handstand workshop and then a team workout. That was super super fun. The best session of the whole escape. Sope, Jo, Lizzie and I were in that team and we named ourselves “The suds”. We got the second place, lost be a very very small margin. During yoga, I could feel the chill in the air. I enjoyed every breath, every view, well aware it was our last evening there.
At dinner, everyone shared their experience. Some of them were so inspiring and heart-warming. Specially Jo. Knowing that this was the first time she had done something for herself in the last 8 years. I completely know that feeling. Being a working mom can leave little time for yourself. I had the best sleep in the last 7 days.
Day 8
I was up at 5 and made sure I finished all the packing. We had an awesome workout. It was a team challenge again and I had Bianca, Lisa and Zanna with me. I was an absolute disaster with the pull ups but felt like a break dancer (What Bianca was calling Zanna and I) with the front kick sit throughs. During the glute workout, each one of us was given a chance to count the reps. I counted in Hindi and was sure a lot were left confused! We all took pictures and Nicole reminded me again that I was way too self-critical and have to start giving myself a break (Aye aye cap’m)
After a short break, we met again in one of the villas to look at the final escape video and some pictures. I realized I was barely in it. The negative thoughts that, “I wasn’t in pictures because I barely performed”, “I wasn’t good enough” and all the other anxiety induced doubts started cropping up. I pushed them all aside and reminded myself that it was about the experience and not the pictures! (Damn! When did I become part of this social media/pictures obsessed generation?! I am not!)
It was time to say goodbyes and start my journey as a tourist. Was super excited leaving the resort. Let phase 2 of the fun begin!
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